Your Imposter Is Picking Your Pocket

Photo: In Her Image

Do any of these ring true? You don’t bill all of your time (or worse, maybe you don’t even track it). You consistently send invoices late. You haven’t raised your rates lately (or ever).

If so, your Imposter (aka The Judge) is at work.

Meet my Judge, “Cruella.” The name says it all. She. Is. Nasty. Mostly to me, and she can dish it out to others as well.

She wants to keep me small and scared to “protect” me in some warped way. She lies to me—listen to me and you’ll be successful; without me pushing you, you’ll get lazy; nothing will improve unless I constantly point out what’s wrong. And berates me—you don’t know what you’re doing; no one will hire you; who are you to ask for that fee—and for years I believed her.

Still do sometimes.

Here’s the deal, the opposite of the lie always comes true. Instead of improving or feeling motivated and successful, I feel discouraged, exhausted and demoralized. Listening to the Judge will never lead to prosperity.

Maybe the exact words of your Judge are different, but the message is the same. You don’t deserve it, whatever “it” is. So we don’t charge a competitive rate, or we don’t bill for our time, or we procrastinate sending (or even doing) the invoices. Sound familiar?

Here’s some things to do about it:

1. Watch for your Judge. Awareness is the first step to doing things differently. The Judge is everywhere! If billing isn’t your challenge, you won’t have to look far. Whenever you feel stress, look for the Judge. It might be judging you, someone else or the situation as “bad bad bad!”

2. Name it and claim it. Acceptance is the answer. Your Judge is never going away; your brain is wired for it. But you can catch it quicker and shush it, and also have empathy for yourself for how it brutalizes you. Give it a name to make it real and to take step 3.

3. Play with it. Act like a Sage and mess with your Judge to minimize its power. Say things like, “What took you so long, [insert name]? I’ve been waiting for you.” Or, “Is that the best you can do, [insert name]?” Alternatively, take the Judge’s gloom and doom to the extreme and really dramatize it. For example, “You’re right, I am a terrible designer and I will never get paid, and then I’ll never get another project and I’ll have to close my business and then I’ll lose my home and my friends and and…!” Humor and playfulness are strong Sage traits.

By the way, you are not alone. Every human on the planet has a Judge; it’s how we’re wired. So share these steps with someone and commiserate together!

Sick of the Imposter holding you back? Grab your seat in my next Mental Fitness Bootcamp below. We will deep dive into the Judge and you will learn dozens of ways to deal with it and your other Saboteurs.

Journal Prompts:

What are all the lies my Judge tells me?

How can I show myself more empathy?

What would I do differently if the Judge voice got quieter?