Relationships, the Final Frontier (don’t go there alone!)

Clients. Teams. Vendors. Employees. Spouse/Partner. Family.

The numbers above speak for themself (Source: Positive Intelligence).

Do you cringe at conflict? Avoid the challenging call with an unhappy client or underperforming team member? Or maybe you say “yes'“ when you mean “no” and later resent it.

Whatever your pattern, when your Saboteurs are running the show, it’s bad news for relationships, personal and professional.

Humans have a wonderful thing called mirror neurons that actually mirror the energy, mood and emotions of those we interact with. So, if you are in Saboteur mode, the negative vibes of your Saboteurs (control, anger, frustration, guilt, fear, anxiety, blame, shame, etc.) will trigger the Saboteurs with whomever you are relating. And there’s nowhere to go but down from there.

Think about it, are you most rational, open and willing when you’re irritated or defensive? Of course not. Have you ever tried to reason things out with someone who was feeling scared, hurt or even shut down? I’m guessing the results were not great.

The Saboteurs are never your best approach to any situation, including relationship matters.

So, what’s the solution? The Sage. Activate your Sage brain by paying exquisite attention to one of your senses for just a few minutes. It’s that simple. Of course it takes consistent practice over time to see lasting positive change, but even after a few minutes, you will quiet the voices of the Saboteurs, and feel more grounded and clear.

Bonus—the Sage knows that every situation can be converted to a gift of opportunity. That difficult client? They are your teacher; providing the opportunity to grow in patience, empathy and curiosity. Put another way, they are not the problem, your reaction to them is the problem. The Saboteur reaction. So every interaction is an opportunity to try out a new behavior and grow. At the end of the day, it’s your precious serenity at stake; don’t give it away!

Image ©2022 Positive Intelligence

Journal Prompts:
How do I go negative in my relationships?

How can I tell when my Saboteurs are running the show?

How do I give my serenity away?