The Illusion of Control
©2022 Positive Intelligence
Controlling? Who, me?! (lol, yes) Those with the Controller Saboteur have many great traits--confident, action-oriented, persistent, decisive. Yay!
Taken to an extreme, however, the impact is not good--high anxiety, lack of connection, and temporary results at the price of resentment from others.
In a creative field like interior design, this one is common and it's a killer.
I can relate to all of the above. My controlling tendencies got a boost growing up in an unpredictable household where emotionally, I was pretty much on my own, and learned to be self-sufficient at a pretty young age. Ironically, control (or the attempt to control) was also in full force and effect, so I “grew up” both using control to feel safe and rebelling against anyone who tried to control me. Yikes!
For most of us, the Controller springs from taking our greatest strengths and over-using them. Regardless of the source, it’s all an illusion, and it can lead to an impenetrable hardness, separateness and high anxiety.
If you’re in a creative field, like interior design, control is a mine field. Things look neat and tidy on the surface, however chaos and danger lurk just below the surface. Controller thoughts like, “You need to push people,” and “Without me, nothing gets done!” lead to a resentful and unmotivated team and an exhausted you. You may get short-term results but without long-term influence. As a leader and visionary, you need influence to reach your goals, and you’ll do it with more ease and joy.
Your inner Sage knows that vulnerability is actually a strength, and that influence requires vulnerability. That’s the work if you have The Controller, like me. Start small, going just 10% beyond your comfort zone when it comes to vulnerability.
If you relate to controlling, try redirecting the control to mastery of your own mind. Staying out of the scary neighborhood of the Saboteurs and hanging out with the Sage. Mental Fitness Bootcamp is a great way to jump start this mastery.
Schedule a 30-minute Saboteur Consult if you’d like to know more about minimizing your saboteurs.
Thanks to Shirzad Chamine of Positive Intelligence for this amazing work!
Journal Prompts:
How strong is the Controller in me?
Who is the purest case of the Controller I know?
What is 10% beyond my vulnerability comfort zone?
