I’m nervous about sending this message, but I got a whisper on a hike Sunday, and when I get a whisper, especially if it comes when I’m in Nature and it comes out of left field, I listen.

Nervous because the perfectionist in me wants to say everything right. Nervous because the approval seeker in me worries you’ll question my motives or disagree or send unkind replies. Nervous because the co-dependent in me doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. That's not sufficient to stay quiet.

They say courage is fear that has said its prayers. My prayer is that I say what I need to say, hear what I need to hear, that it lands with whom it’s supposed to land, and that it is all for the highest spiritual good.

A wise friend said the other day that a spiritual awakening is a shift in perspective. I had a spiritual awakening last week around racism and my part. It came as a confluence of watching George Floyd’s chilling murder, listening to Rachel Cargel’s Revolution Now video, seeing the stark contrast of our President’s behavior with what this country really needs, experiencing the brave leadership of Beth Crittenden, Grace Kraaijvanger and others, and attending a peaceful protest in Marin City where signs held by white people said things like, “White Silence = Polite Violence,” while black youths wore small signs of, “I can’t breathe,” over their face masks. Also the protest where many brave, brilliant young people spoke their truth, including my “little sister,” Ayannah Green in her address to the crowd.

My awakening is that as a privileged white person, it is not enough to abhor racism or to condemn police violence from the comfort of my upper middle-class home or to wish systemic oppression would go away. Or…I don’t know what. I don’t know what I don’t know, and I admit I’m ignorant. Ignorance is not a defense. Not for me anymore.

The amends I am making; please hold me accountable:

• I commit to learn/unlearn about the history of our nation

• I commit to learn about white privilege even and what I can do to undo it, even when it's difficult or uncomfortable

• I commit to listen to black stories, especially the pain, rage and grief

• I commit to seek out and patronize black-owned businesses

• I commit to being a patron of Rachel Cargel, The Great Unlearn

There is so much work to be done, learning and unlearning. Countless others have been doing the hard work for decades; I know I'm late to the game. However, this feels like a tipping point.

It’s going to be messy and painful at times; growth always is. Yet the discomfort will be growing pains, not the pain of debased fellow humans.

Please join me in conversation. Please correct me if I said anything offensive (kindly, if possible, I am doing my best with what I have). Please keep an open mind and heart and never forget everyone's undeniable magnificence.

Humbly.

Janine

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